Painting

If ever there was something in which the difference between thinking about it and doing it was greater, I haven't seen it. Painting a room seems like it would be a tremendously fun thing to do, but, in fact, it sucks. Why do we always assume that painting will be so great? 80s mivies. Yes the 80s movie montage has convinced us that things like fixing up old houses, preparing amazing parties on short notice, training for a challenging sporting event, and painting are fun. But it lasts more than 5 minutes, folks. Tommy-2-Tone isn't going to help you out, and it's not really funny when people paint on your face.

Time

There is never enough time. Though having a tight schedule is much more satisfying than having nothing to do; it is much more stressfull. I know I'm not saying anything that is news to anyone, but it is true. There was a time when I had some things I had to do every day, and then I spent the rest of the day being bored. Now, I have to fandangle my shedule to get anything extra in. I have to think about where I'm going and when at all times, and what is near that place that I can take care of when I'm there. 15 minutes to do this, an hour for that, 7 minutes to drive between leaving 3 hours for homework before work and then two hours of recreation when I get home. It's crazy. Most people in this situation have probably quit reading this already because they've got things to do. I think we should just go back to the fuedal system. That way, I would never know what I was missing out on. Plus, every day would pretty much the same. Plow field, shovel poop, shovel dirt, plant seeds, shovel dirt, shovel poop, eat, sleep, next day.

BOO Satanists!

Who worships Satan? I mean to say, lets suppose you really believe in a Satan. Why the hell should he care if you worship him or not? Can you even literaly worship something that isn't a god? The Judeao Chistian Satan hates people! Hates 'em! He left heaven because he didn't want them stinkin up the place. Why would he care about a bunch of maskera abusing rejects or the odd Norwegian Metal Band? You think he likes death metal? Really? Oh yeah, prince of lies sits around listening to a bunch of Illiterate Norse Men, drinking miller highlife, and doing his air guitar. And killing cats? Yeah, that will impress the being that tried to fight God. Cats. Just workin your way up, I guess. How stupid do you have to be? Come on, just 'cause you can't land a cheerleader is no reason to cut up small animals, but if you do, lets not pretend that anyone but the groundskeeper that has to clean it up even cares. Finally, the whole persecuting Christian thing. This has to be the act of the absolutely most simple minded, heavily deformed brain on the planet. What are you trying to do? Give them more faith? Hey, dumbass! What do you think happens when you kill them? If Satan did have followers, he wouldn't choose a bunch of no-talent, lady haired chumps from finland and the jerks that hang out at Denny's. Here's an idea, get a hobby!

Valentimes

There's a lot said and not said about Valentine's Day. There are those that love it, and those that hate it. There are also those that are largely unaffected by its passage. These are the noble ones. For many years I made a big fuss about hating Valentine's Day, I called it Singles Awareness Day. But the fact is that some people can take this stupid day really hard. My suggestion is that we all just forget about the ridiculous day all together. It has too much power and influence. So lets just forget the whole thing and stick to Arbor Day.

A Fistfull of Hollers

I would like to give a shout-out to the following things/people/ideas.

Brazil - No shirt laws = awesome.

Medicine - Is it just me, or does anyone else not want to live to be 120 no matter how many how well I control the vote?

Fish - For adapting to the loathsomely high amount of mercury we give 'em.

America - For entirely forgetting about a war because Bush can't get elected again anyway. Nice priorities.

Celebtities - For being able to repeat what they read. Don't let anyone tell you you're a one trick horse. Reading and whining count as two tricks.

Ron Paul - Anyone who is supported by a political group comprised of nothing but strippers gets my vote.

Europe - For turning to Aethiesm. That just means more God for us, folks.

Heath Ledger and Family - No jokes here. We'll miss ya.

Kevin Federline - We lose Heath, and you're still here? No wonder Europe is loosing it's faith.

Cheese Its - You're delicious! But really, we don't need the Garlic and Earaser Dust flavor. Stick to the original.

Pluto - Yeah, I know I've already said it, but you're still a planet to me!

Enkidu - Gilgamesh really stole the show, but you had a good attitude about it.

Jamie Lynn Spears - For proving all those hateful tabloid people... absolutely right.

Russia - Because despite being mostly unpopulated on a person-per-square mile ratio, your citizens still manage to mail a few of 'em our way to become true American citizens, that is violent, lazy, and able to place all blame squarely on the shoulders of one man who neither makes, nor actually enforces any policy, and can, in fact, only veto one provided congress doesn't just go ahead and vote it in anyway.

Pluto

This Blog, though created for a class, has been given a free hand in its subject matter. Therefor, I would like to adress an issue that I know is bothering many people right now (1/25/08).

Pluto.

Now some may think that the controversy surrounding the downgrading of our solar system's most remote, (and therefore most beloved as absence makes the heart grow fonder), planet, Pluto, (that's planet, not planetoid) has died down due to the time elapsed and because no one cares. They are wrong. I think I speak for all of us, my friends, when I say that I am angry at the scientific community for their heinous theivery of one of our planets. That's right folks, Pluto was discovered by an American, Percival Lowell, right here in America, that is, Flagstaff, Arizona. And we cannot allow these bleeding heart liberal geniuses with there media driven "accurate science" agendas to take away from the amount of stuff Americans like to pretend they own. We cannot allow an American discovery to sullied by the "oid" suffix based on nothing but proven facts and observed evidence. It's about the spirit, folks. The American spirit that says "I didn't give a damn about Pluto untill you told me it wasn't a planet, and now I'm mad because I've been really bored since celebrities stopped talking about the war!"